5 Methods for Self-Reflection
One of my strategic objectives in my personal development plan is to ‘ensure time for self-reflection’. As I started to implement this, I realized that I didn’t really know what the heck self-reflection was. I know in general that I want to spend time thinking about where I am today, where I want to be in the future, etc, but I wasn’t sure how exactly to do this. After doing some research, I’ve identified 5 different methods for self-reflection. I plan to evaluate each of them in future posts.
- Naikan - This method was developed in Japan and focuses on helping you see your relationship to the broader world. When I read through this website, I got this vision of some monastery in the mountains, wind chimes in the background, and peaceful Japanese music playing. At least until the two kung-fu masters dropped down from above and started fighting. (This little scenario may help me understand my strange mind better than any self-reflection method). The primary focus of this method is to spend 30-60 minutes daily to ask yourself three questions:
- What have I received from __________ ?
- What have I given to __________ ?
- What troubles and difficulties have I caused __________ ?
These questions are focused on a family member, friend or colleague. You can focus on a 3 year period of time that you interacted with them. Or you can focus specifically on all the people you interacted with during your day. I think this would be especially useful if you are having trouble relating to someone else, this may give you an alternate view of how you interact with them.
-
Values/Virtues - This method was Benjamin Franklin’s favorite for personal improvement. He had notecards with the 13 virtues he felt most important, and each day he would make a mark next to those that he had somehow violated. He did this for much of his life.
Assuming you have developed your own personal values, I think they are a good substitute for Franklin’s 13 virtues as something to reflect on. You could identify decisions during the day where you held true to your values, or where you were in conflict with them. I believe the value (pun intended) of this method is that you are reminded daily of what your true values are, helping you ensure your life is aligned with them.
- Best/Better - This method goes beyond asking yourself whether a decision was aligned with your values, and focuses on what you learned from the situation and how you would improve that decision in the future. Every day we all make decisions about how to react to other people or to situations. When your spouse disagrees with you, do you automatically argue, or do you try and look at things from their perspective? Personally, I automatically argue, then I look at things from her perspective, and then I proceed to tell her why her perspective is completely wrong. Which is why I’m looking forward to trying out this method. (The couch is becoming more and more uncomfortable to sleep on.) If you review how you interacted with different people on a daily basis, you start to identify trends where you can improve. Also, you may find areas where you realize that for certain people, or for certain situations, you respond in a more positive way than in other situations. For example, I know that I listen to the ideas of people that I get along with a lot better than those I don’t like. Taking these lessons learned and applying them to other situations and people can improve your relationships.
- Reflect on Career - Since most of us spend a lot of time at work, this is an excellent topic to focus your self-reflection on. You might write about what you want to be doing 5 or 10 years from now, things you like/dislike about your job, and ideas for future careers. There are also career development books available that have really good exercises in them (What Color is Your Parachute? and The Pathfinder are two that I like). These really help you understand more about yourself. I’ve gone back and looked at what I wrote 5 years ago for career goals, and it is really interesting to see how some things have drastically changed, and others have stayed the same.
- Random Questions / Topics - There are a lot of different questions or topics to reflect on. For example, I’ve focused on identifying the defining moments are in my life - those that helped create my personal values, or vivid memories from my childhood that have shaped who I am today. In keeping with the career theme above, you could think about what steps you took to get to where you are today. What decisions did you make, or things you did weel that led you to your current career? Who were your mentors along the way, and what did you learn from them? You can also pick a topic to write about, or answer questions about your life. A lot of these ideas come from the world of journaling. Here is a good site about ideas for how to journal, especially getting started.
I’m looking for other good ideas on methods for self-reflection - please leave comments with any ideas.